It was 2010 when last I wrote and I cringe to think of all the major juicy holidays I’ve missed. So, following yet another one, I’m forcing myself  to visit a few more humble subjects. You might expect me to emerge with a purpose. Perhaps related to our most recent holiday, like sharing the best and worst Valentine’s gifts, but that’s already been done over 100 million times (trust me, I googled it). So, instead, here’s a few realizations from recent weeks:

• A midnight run to buy toilet paper at a truck stop because you’ve run out of all possible alternatives illustrates a need to be more proactive.
• Facebook is NOT the way to introduce your family to someone who may or may not be part of the blood line.
• Why do people smarter than me who told me they had all the answers require my input? http://www.whitehouse.gov/advise
• In the event you faint in the post office, paramedics will be called – and you will lose your place in line.
• If you are a straight women at a wedding and only other women hit on you, you may have chose the wrong attire.
• Moving large pieces of furniture should be reserved for those people not inclined to drop it on the other person.
• Popcorn, Hershey Kisses and scotch do not make a meal.
• Two movies, three months, zero watched indicates a parting of ways with Netflix.
• Buffalo Wild Wings is not a date no matter how many times he takes you there.
• God is not likely to condemn you to hell for not finishing the church web site but your Pastor can still hope.
• In finding you’ve accidentally locked the cat in the basement for the third time in a single day acknowledge you are doing a poor job of cat-sitting.
• You might be alienating yourself if you know the ice on your steps is a deterrent to visitors and you like it.
• Taking a week to discover you have not unpacked your brush or comb indicates a need to re-evaluate your personal appearance (see earlier realization as well).
• If the first person you think of on Valentine’s Day is your grandmother, odds are you will stay single forever.
• When more than two people tell you that you don’t look well, assume they see something your body has yet to share and go to bed.

Good night and be well!

• Oh, and mailing apple pie, logo cookies, and branded apples nationwide and into Canada is challenging, but not impossible. And little green apples are pretty.
  

Since my last post, I’m afraid that life kind of picked me up by the scruff of the neck, shook me around a bit, and deposited me on the other side of October, which just happens to be my birthday month. As a result, I’m refusing to add another year to my age.

Truth is the long delay between posting is not really due to any desire to avoid aging (what’s the alternative, after all) but rather due in part to my grandmother’s  ill health over the last several weeks. When you get a call telling you to come home because your 96 year old, diabetic grandmother is in the hospital and not doing well, you should really be prepared for the worst. I wasn’t. But being the thoughtful gram-momma that she is, she totally let me off the hook and after several weeks, is very nearly recovered! Though she won’t be able to live alone again, she is adjusting to her new home surprisingly well and is regaining her strength and good humor. She’s an amazing woman.

But our recent journey through the health care system has left me wondering, will legislation of any kind, ever fix these kinds of conversations? (Or the voices in my head)?

1) “I really think she’s in pain?” “Why do you think she’s in pain?” “Well, the excessive moaning.” (or perhaps you can look at pain scale posted on the wall there and then compare it to her face? See how much she looks like 8 to 10?)

2) “Well, she is 96.” Yes, I know how old my grandmother is and I suspect so does my mother. But that doesn’t change the fact that she was able to walk, talk, and eat last week – and she was 96 then too. (Age is not a diagnosis.)

3) “She has a MRSA Staph Infection. It’s probably community-based.” Really? You know she’s been in here for days and that looks to be gowns and gloves in front of half the other rooms.

4) “I think there’s something wrong; her face looks really swollen.” “Hmmm, you think so?” Well, I’m pretty sure her head was not the size of a watermelon when she came in. (Upon actually touching grandma’s face, the doctor agrees and orders a scan, which reveals another infection.)

5) “Oh, she looks good today.” Odd of you to say because I’m pretty sure you’ve never seen her before.

6) “How’s Anna today?” says Dr. Dilly. “Well, she says her arm hurts.” “Hmmm.” Dr. Dilly touches it a bit. “It’s tendinitis from overuse.” Really? She hasn’t moved from bed in over a week.

7) “Can you perhaps stop that and try another vein a little bit later?” “Well, it’s right there, it just keeps moving.” Yes, I understand, but that’s not really the point I was trying to make.

I don’t mean to be persnickety but I would suggest that anyone with an elderly family member in the hospital really does need to act as the patient’s advocate. Our experience (especially early on) was if you don’t ask, they won’t tell – and if you don’t speak up when you think something is wrong, they will assume that all is right.  That said, I am thankful to the many other nurses, doctors, aides, specialists, social workers, and technicians who cared for Gma and helped her to recover. I’m also very grateful to the wonderful caregivers she has surrounding her now.

But by far, the best conversation…
“What day is it, Anna?”
“Does it really matter? I don’t have any appointments.”
You go, grandma!

I promised economics, politics, religion, and a dead bird in my previous post… Alas, I watched too much YouTube this week and can only offer the following:

Economics – I have to rely on the kindness of friends to help me navigate this landscape. As such, my friend PC sent me the link below and I managed to watch the entire 40+ minutes. It doesn’t provide an answer to fix the economy but it does describe – with pretty little graphics, old movie scenes, interviews, and news clips – how we find ourselves in our present economic condition… and warns that the next bubble to burst will topple governments. Agree or disagree, what I know is I bought house in March 2007 and in about 27 years I might actually own it – or not. At least I have a jumping off point now.

Politics - I also don’t know much about the Tea Party other than its a movement that may or may not include other political action groups that may or may not also use the word tea in their name. They seem to protest for less taxes and less government; they do not like current politicians especially Democrats and Obama; they do support fellow Tea Party members who campaign for political office; and a few members have been accused of being racist or really, really rich. None of which is surprising – politics are dirty and the truth is hard to find. But what freaks me is: Victoria Jackson!?! Honestly, even the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are trying to distance themselves from this crazy-eye. Why not the Tea Party? I’m not going to even consider anything she spouts until she removes the mocking, over-sized bow from atop her head (cute at 3, disconcerting at 50);  or invests in some type of voice modulator so my ears don’t bleed; or reads at least one more book because the two she keeps flailing around are no longer proving the point she is educating herself politically or… Wait, who am I kidding? I’m never going to believe her. She makes Sarah Palin sound super, duper smart.